Dodgers pitcher Anthony Banda wants to make clear how he broke his hand

The emotional pain was far worse than the physical pain for Anthony Banda, the Dodgers reliever who suffered a hairline fracture in his left hand when he hit what manager Dave Roberts called a “solid object” with his pitching hand in frustration after giving up two runs in a Sept. 9 game against the Chicago Cubs.

“It was very embarrassing, very shameful,” said Banda, a mid-May acquisition from the Cleveland Guardians who had carved out a higher leverage role by going 2-2 with a 3.23 ERA in 46 games before going on the 15-day injured list. “I really felt like I let everybody down.”

As sheepish as Banda felt about the incident, he wanted to make an important clarification.

“I didn’t punch anything,” Banda, 31, said. “I hit the outside of my fist against a paper towel dispenser out of frustration, and apparently, I hit the weakest bone just right, to where it fractured.

“I’m not saying that’s OK to do, but it’s not as bad as what people thought as far as me punching something straight on. I don’t do that with anything, because there’s a risk. I look at it as more of a freak accident, but yes, it was a learning experience.”

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Once the swelling in the hand subsided, Banda was able to resume playing catch four days after suffering the injury. He threw his first bullpen session Thursday and followed that with a 30-pitch bullpen workout before Saturday night’s game against Colorado in which his fastball was clocked between 94-96 mph and his slider was sharp.

Banda is scheduled to throw live batting practice on Monday, and Roberts said he expects Banda to be activated when he is eligible to come off the IL either Wednesday or Thursday.

“The most frustrating thing is this entire time, I didn’t have any pain or soreness, just some swelling in the hand,” Banda said. “But the fact that it’s responding well and I haven’t lost any ability to spin my pitches or add velocity is a huge plus. It was a big scare, but at the end of the day, when I get active, I want to put it behind me and do everything I can to help this team.”

Part of the healing process was apologizing to his bullpen mates.

“They understand the frustration and emotion part of it,” Banda said. “They obviously weren’t pleased with the result of what happened, but they were supportive. They had my back. A lot of them were texting me throughout the week, on the road trip, asking me how I was doing. That in itself shows a lot. I know they’re eager to get me back.”

Another other part of the healing process was owning the mistake and learning from it.

“It’s a very competitive game, and this won’t be the last time I blow up, but I have to understand that the consequences are real, that anything can happen in those weak moments, and those are things that will potentially haunt me for the rest of my career.

“I’m a human being, I make mistakes, and this was a costly one. I’m not looking for sympathy — this was on me, and I’ve owned it. We all do stupid things, and I hate the idea that I did this to myself, but as long as we learn from them we can move on.”

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Banda, who has two saves, 50 strikeouts and 18 walks in 47 ⅓ innings, gives the Dodgers a second left-hander in addition to Alex Vesia, and he could play a critical postseason role for a bullpen that will likely carry heavy workload in support of the team’s injury ravaged rotation.

“This is something that we all play for — to be in a Dodgers uniform and playing in the playoffs is special,” said Banda, who has not pitched in a postseason game. “So I’m just ready to be back. Man, I’m driving myself crazy. My family is getting fed up with my hard-headedness. The training staff is. Everybody is. I’m just ready to get back.”

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This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.