If Labour wins next election then Scotland’s ‘Pound Shop Stasi’ will head south

AN Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub and tell the old joke about a one-armed black LGBTQ+ wallpaper hanger.

Which of them goes to jail?

If the pub is north of the border, all three risk seven years behind bars for “stirring up hate” over race, religion, age, disability, sexual orientation or transgender identity.

From today, Scots must guard their tongue, even in their own home, or risk being snitched on by the “Pound Shop Stasi”.

No, this isn’t The Sun’s April Fools spoof.

It is an act of draconian censorship by a once-proud nation which gave us free-thinking civic society, superb education and sound economics.

Today, thanks to 17 disastrous years of SNP rule, Scotland has sunk into a dystopian new age of failed health care, classroom chaos, drug addiction and violent crime.

Now, having wrecked the economy, First Minister Humza “Useless” Yousaf has invented a suffocating new criminal offence worthy of Stalin’s totalitarian Soviet era.

It is a charter for spiteful curtain twitchers and a threat to the freedom of speech upon which democracy relies.

Any sneaky individual — including family and friends around the dinner table — is encouraged to inform police about real or supposed “hate crime”.

No names, no packdrill.

Even without a formal prosecution, the slur can be registered as a “non-crime hate incident” and placed on record without the victim’s knowledge.

Such information, perhaps false and vindictive, will be available on demand by future employers, putting jobs and livelihood at risk.

The subject will never know why.

The squalid new hate law has sparked fury from politicians, playwrights, comedians and even the police who must impose it.

In a bizarre twist, Humza Yousaf himself has been reported to police for saying notorious trans rapist Isla Bryson is “not a genuine trans woman”.

It will be interesting to see if he is prosecuted by Police Scotland, who vow to investigate every single allegation, triggering a tsunami of new claims on transgender issues.

Senior police fear activists will “weaponise” the law to hound anyone who suggests human beings cannot change their biological sex — with Harry Potter author JK Rowling firmly in their sights.

“The Act is flawed,” admits Scottish Police Superintendents’ president Rob Hay.

“There is enough anger and hateful bile online to occupy every police officer in Scotland.

‘Weaponise’ the law

“This will make it harder to focus on those crimes and offences that cause the most harm and represent the highest risk to public safety.”

In fact, police recently announced they will no longer investigate every crime in Scotland as part of a new “cost-cutting” measure.

Brave Rowling, among the world’s most famous women, is prepared to risk prison rather than delete historic Twitter remarks on gender.

She might yet become the test case for this pernicious legislation as clueless cops struggle to define the grounds for prosecution.

Actors and entertainers fear it is the death knell for Scottish drama and comedy — including the famous Edinburgh Fringe, which might move elsewhere.

SNP luvvie and author Val McDermid warns it will limit what her characters can say in print.

Those outside Scotland might be tempted to scoff at such SNP madness.

But there is reason to fear it will spread south under a woke Labour PM who bends the knee to Black Lives Matter and thinks “some women have penises”.

Fuels division

Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer’s latest wheeze is “full fat devolution”, giving power away to local bodies on transport, energy and planning and letting communities “take back control”.

Where have we seen that before?

Oh, yes, Scotland’s corrupt battle for independence.

And the chaos of a devolved Welsh administration driving voters to flee the country.

London’s independent Mayor Sadiq Khan is itching to expand the pernicious doctrine of Equality, Diversity and Inclusion, which in real life actually fuels division, exclusion and bias.

In fact, Khan deserves to be cuffed by his own Met police for allowing our national capital to descend into a terrifying cesspit of hoodied thuggery and violent death.

As the election looms over coming months, it is worth remembering this is caring, sharing Labour and the loony Left in action . . . the parties of the taxpayer-funded public sector.

Under Labour, things can only get worse.