Itv forget Scotland exists but Spain humbling puts England in their place

The first decision of the day was which channel to watch the final on. The BBC went for the much criticised blowhard staters-of-the-obvious team, Rio, Micah, Lineker and, for balance, Juan Mata, but I opted for ITV almost solely for Roy Keane.

It was an occasion that desperately needed a non-English perspective. He was joined by Ian Wright, Mendietta (who has more hair than when he played for Middlesbrough) and Gary Neville with the grizzled veteran, Mark Pougatch. He’s married to Lady Victoria Scott, the younger daughter of the 5th Earl of Eldon, dontcha know.

Laura Woods and Karen Carney were on the pitch again and seemed very pleased about it. It became clear that everyone all over Europe, not English, wanted Spain to win, even some anti-Southgate fans, desperate to be proved right about the manager’s supposed inadequacies, wanted Spain to win. England has no idea of the antipathy towards them.

Both tested the patience by starting at 6.30pm, 90 minutes before kick-off. Interviews and clips with fans were a waste of time unless you crave hearing cliches both verbal and performative. This sort of thing is always part of such build-ups but it is not only a waste of time, it’s humiliating for those interviewed, who surely don’t want to be clipped up and used in a quick edit while three drinks in, and it takes us for slack jawed fools who enjoy this sort of thing. Does anybody ask who wants to see this? Or does it just happen?

Roy’s nostrils are flaring and there’s a swish of the old lion’s tail. He still wants to play in big games. Gary interviews Keir Starmer, a genuine football fan, and he seems quite bashful. There’s an interview with Declan Rice, who looks very pink and is a bit boring, though to be fair, what more is there to say?

Roy says they need more quality or they’ll be shown up. He’s right. Laura Woods and Karen Carney were on the pitch again and seemed very pleased about it. They highlight Rodri’s quality. Everyone thinks including Shaw is a good move.’Game management from midfield is crucial,’ says Roy, prophetically.

Southgate is interviewed wearing the same clothes as before and he appears as mild-mannered as ever. You expect him to sell you a mortgage. There is a look at Lamine Yamal who is 17 but appears about 14. There’s a thoughtful interview with Southgate with Gabriel Clarke. It’s hard not to see him and think he’s too self aware, nuanced and intelligent for some of the England fans. Roy appreciates him and says he’s got steel and is a top class guy. Wrighty encourages us to realise Spain will be scared of England. Optimistic.

They fight to talk over the closing ceremony on-pitch music. Everybody’s supporting England, back home, says Gary, typically forgetting Scotland exists. It’s Matterface, Coisty and Dixon in the commentators box. Matterface reads out his prepared lines and probably thinks we can’t tell.

All those predicting England would play well can’t have seen them before. It was a first half stalemate. Spain was as poor as England. Half-time. The boys think Kane is a liability and is on a yellow. In fairness he did look like he was carrying a shed.

Second half. Spain scored, were the better side, though that’s not saying much. As always, England couldn’t keep possession, dropped ever deeper and they didn’t put anywhere near enough pressure on Spain’s goal, scored a good goal but Spain had so much of the ball, it was inevitable they’d score a winner. In truth, it was largely a final to forget, one that Spain just about deserved to win. England’s luck finally ran out.