Stephen F. Austin beat a team so bad they moved to 5-minute quarters for the second half

Stephen F. Austin beat a team badly enough to bend the fabric of time on Thursday.

By the end of the first half, the Lumberjacks were up 70-0 against North American University, an NAIA school in Stafford, Texas. They had outgained the Stallions 565-33. They had posted 25 first downs to their opponent’s three.

With 342 yards through the air and 223 on the ground for SFA, there wasn’t much left to see for either school. So they agreed they would play only five minutes for the third and fourth quarters.

The Lumberjacks took their foot off the gas from there, at least relatively. The final score was 77-0, with 110 Stephen F. Austin yards in two drives. North American, meanwhile, increased its total yardage to 40, with -5 rushing yards.

The box score is an exhibition in lunacy, such as how three SFA quarterbacks averaged 25.5 yards per pass attempt, with one missed pass. The running game was comparatively meek, with only 8.1 yards per carry. North American’s leader rusher, Jesper Korkalainen, had 6 yards on one carry. Eight other rushers finished with less, including three with negative yards.

Every game is a learning opportunity for everybody, but there isn’t much for the public here beyond “Stephen F. Austin is definitely better than an NAIA team.” And, possibly for the less initiated, “Yes, teams can decide to shorten the game if it gets that bad.”